WRITTEN BY TAYO ADEBOYE
Many men have found themselves in this never ending purgatory. This blog is for my brothers out there doing the most and getting the least. A dedication to the unfortunate fellows saved as “free Chinese” and “best friend forever” in phones across the globe.
What is the friendzone?
The friendzone is a situation in which one person wishes to enter into some sort of relationship and the other party does not, be it romantic or sexual. Just some sort of relationship beyond that of friends. Most of the time it tends to be the guy; so let’s analyse how and why.
Now the main reason a lot of people get stuck is simply because there is no form of attraction. Sometimes you may not be tall enough or muscular enough (I’m a 6ft3 boxer in the heavyweight division, safe to say it’s unlikely I’ll know this pain). You may not be what your person of interest is looking for and so you are dismissed. A lot of women want an alpha male as a partner and if you lack in looks and personality; sorry to say bro. You become a non-sexual entity, kind of like a lamp. Banished to the wasteland known as the friendzone for all eternity. Some say the friendzone doesn’t actually exist, it’s just a made up term for those salty people who have faced rejection and rather than face facts they have developed this platitude; rather than be happy that although their person of interest may not see a future with them beyond that of friends, they would still like them to remain in their life.
There is a BIG difference between being a friend, and being in the friendzone however. Maybe the person you are interested in is currently in a relationship; maybe you both have no interest in each other beyond friends. Maybe your biding your time, patiently waiting for her man to slip up before you slide in her DMs, (don’t lie to me fellas i know a couple man reading that line hella grinning right now). Not to say that men and women can’t be friends. But if your intention has been made clear and you’re getting the generic “I see you as brother” text, you need to take this L like a man (you also need of a hug, cuz on a real. A brother?!?! Naa i feel for you bro).
What leads to you being stuck in the friendzone?
For one reason or another; the person you want just isn’t on the same wavelength as you. Most people are not blunt and would rather spare your feelings; so to save you the emotional pain of rejection you are transported into the place across the world – The friendzone. Personally I love rejection. I am sure I’ve said that terribly wrong but I’m in my zone so let’s move on. I prefer a female to simply say she is not interested rather than gently try and let me down, this way we both clearly understand our respective positions. At the same time it can be argued that the friendzone is a gentle rejection, whilst you may not meet ‘boyfriend’ criteria, you are a good person, so why not keep positive people around? That’s what friends are for!
Attention & Affection
There is a big difference between attention and affection. SOME girls don’t want the guy. They just want the attention the guy can give and everything that comes with it, they want the late night phone calls, the ‘wining and dining’ experience, them man saved as “free taxi” whenever they need a ride. These women desire the attention a male is willing to shower upon them until they find a male they actually wish to pursue some sort of relationship with. So fellas if you’re always chilling with her at yours, taking her out all across the land and at best getting a hug and a kiss on the cheek on birthdays and Christmas. Take the hint.
How do you know you are in the friendzone?
As long you have the common sense God gave a rock you should be able to pick up little signs. If she uses words like “bro” or “mate” when addressing you, if she’s constantly talking to you about other men? REALLY take the hint. In short if the effort you are putting in substantially outweighs the response you are getting from the person of interest. You’ve been exiled I’m sad to say. And if you can’t figure it out, just ask, you may not receive the answer you were hoping for but at the very least you know where you stand and you can make an informed decision from that point.
How do you get yourself out of the friendzone?
Last but certainly not least. Some say it would be easier to revive the dead. In my honest opinion it is virtually impossible to leave once you’ve been put in the friendzone. The best thing to do is never get stuck there, be bold in your manner and make your interest known, if she isn’t feeling it or you’re not getting the right vibe, end on good terms and move on, because if you stay; your pursuing something that is going nowhere. Then again, it was once thought that man would never fly, so never say never. Keep in mind though people, it is always better to be realistic rather than optimistic.
Well that’s all from me folk, until next time!